Have you ever been honest with the world? Have you ever really been honest with yourself? Here, I say the truth: life is so good.
I look back seven months, and forward just one; I try to make sense of this world I am living in. Since September, I have been lost in a funk-constantly tired, sad, sick and self-conscious. For a period of time, I ran on autopilot- I barely slept, exerted minimal effort in school, and found myself (and others) constantly asking, “Where did Libby go?” Here is what I learned, and just how I got “me” back:
Lesson 1: Do not let what people say or do affect your overall quality of life. No matter what someone does to you or says about you, never gift them with the satisfaction of your surrender…your fire to just keep living the life you love. Shitty stuff happens to good people sometimes, and that is inevitable. Don’t get lost because of those things-it’s hard to find yourself. Pick up and carry on.
Lesson 2: Be happy with yourself, even in times of pure loneliness. There is a myth out there that being with another can fill empty voids, cure sadness, and complete the incomplete. Do you want to know the truth? There is no way in hell you can find happiness in the company of others, if you can’t stand the company of yourself. Wake up and look in the mirror; voice every god damn positive thing there is to say about you-then make sure you truly believe it. The rest? Well, it all falls into place.
Lesson 3: Slow down. Our days pass much too quickly to miss the beautiful things that are easily ignored. For months, I didn’t lace up a pair of running shoes. The first morning my feet hit the pavement, I felt awake; fresh air hit my lungs and I rekindled a focus on the horizon that couldn’t be interrupted. Those kinds of moments are but few. Find a way to relax, to meditate; to laugh and to appreciate…this life is so strange, so fragile, and so short.
With one month until the beginning of a new chapter, I reflect on this year with some regret. I regret not pushing myself to perform better in school. I regret not pulling myself from the depths of unhappiness and darkness that ate up my days. I regret not smiling at strangers, calling up more friends, and going home to my parents to tell them that I really needed them. Despite all of that, I am thankful today to acknowledge my faults with a note of appreciation for the life I’ve been given.
Lately, I’m so in love. I am in love with my friends, my family, this town, traveling, live music, visiting old friends, touching the Pacific Ocean, running, lifting, my job, laughing, having a beer, asking questions (even the hard ones), challenging myself, doing silent good deeds, listening and loving (yes, I am in love with being in love). Can a person be this happy? Sometimes, I feel undeserving. But, in the end, this is what living really feels like. My life puzzle will always have missing pieces; they probably won’t ever fit together perfectly, either. I probably won’t mount it to one of those boards or frame it for the world to see…I’m not that organized. Even still, it’ll be just as beautiful, because I keep finding new pieces every day. And as for the big picture? I think I get it, now.